There are many types of people in the world. There are happy people. There are grumpy people. There are sad people. And most importantly, there are combinations of all these. Of course everyone has their own ups and downs. But when you are able to decide if a person is absurd with their behavioral pattern, then we are talking about a whole new level.
Dating a psychopath or a sociopath is not something that someone would volunteer for. It is definitely not the deal you sign up for in a relationship. There are several men and women that are married to a sociopath because they could not figure out that a person was weird when they were initially getting to know each other. Now there are ways in which you can spot a sociopath, when you are still dating.
Why is it so important to find out? Well let’s keep this short. There are many individuals that have ruined their lives and their peace of mind because they were associated with a sociopath. A sociopath is made, by the circumstances that he grows up in. Very often, sociopaths are people that don’t abide by the laws of the society. They engage in everything that breaks the set rules.
They are not a misfit. They are rebellious and they think that the only form of existence in the society is by being rebellious. These are not people that deserve your hate. These are people that deserve pity and at the most negative manner, fear maybe. Depending on how closely you are related to a sociopath, you can find out if you are being pulled into a cave of doomsday. Here is a story of a woman who was married to a sociopath.
What is it like to be with a sociopath?
I was married to my husband of 17 years, Neil and we lived in LA. I met the man of my dreams, or so I thought. Neil was always loving, adventurous and fun. He was the whole package. When we were dating, things always seemed so smooth. I noticed that he was domineering but younger me, thought that if a man takes point then his confidence is an appeal. How wrong I was.
His love for breaking the rules never bothered me when we were dating. I only admired him for the adventurous and spontaneous person that he was. I kept thinking to myself that if I dated anyone else, I wouldn’t be feeling this alive. He made me feel alive in a way that nobody ever has. He was attractive. We are talking about a perfect jaw, chiselled body and a killer smile.
He seemed so flawless and everything he did, made me smile. He was good at surprising me and needless to say, after 9 months of dating we got engaged and I couldn’t have asked for a better man to get married to. That lasted for the next 6 months till we got married. I was there even when we were married for a year. I had a son when I was just one year into the marriage and it seemed like the right thing to do. It was just Neil, our son and I in our house. He was never the one that cheated on me and so did I. We were the couple that my friends and neighbours envied.
By the time I discovered he was a sociopath, it was too late. This was when my son was a year old and I wanted to start teaching in a nearby school. I wanted to be a teacher and I discussed with my husband that this was my calling. Neil would leave for work in the morning and would return by night. I took care of our son and the time that I spent not taking care of my son, I indulged in engaging hobbies. I was getting bored and then I decided to wait until my son grew up a little. I didn’t have the heart to return to my life as soon as my son was born. And now I am actually happy that I put the decision away for a little while. So here is what happened.
We had major fights because Neil thought that it was best that I remained a housewife. It angered me when I thought about all the time that I would have to myself, not doing anything that I wanted to do. I was still young and I wanted to live. So I would refuse and one night, I saw his other side. I left home and stayed with my parents for a while because of domestic violence. And yes, I took my son along with me. This was when he was two years old. Neil kept sending apology notes and flowers and often drove down to my parents’ to convince me to come home. I missed him. I really did. And I loved him, despite what happened. It was our first fight since we got married and hence I thought I should give it another chance.
My parents thought otherwise and were pretty insistent that I was doing the wrong thing. They thought that something was definitely so wrong about Neil. I just could not see it. So against the advice of my friends and family, I decided to go back to our house. There were fights whenever things didn’t go the way he wanted. A close friend of mine pointed out that he was a sociopath. And yet, all that I did was defend my husband because I loved him and I couldn’t take someone blaming him about something that he wasn’t.
Neil would come home with flowers and surprise me. He showered all his love on me and our son for a few months. I guessed that he was feeling sorry for whatever he did. He would go on business trips often and I would hang out with my girls while my son was in day care. Then one day, my friends convinced me to go to the bar like old times and hence, I asked my mom to drive by so that she could take care of our son while I was out for a few drinks. The bar was a few miles away from my neighbourhood. We spent around 2 hours there and we were having a great time.
That is when one of my friends pointed out that my husband was there, in the very bar with a group of people. I did not recognize any of them but they all seemed to be enjoying the company of my husband. Anyway. Here is what I did. I did not confront him. I quietly left the bar and returned home. I did not say a word to my mother. Neil returned the next afternoon. All that I thought was that he cheated on me the previous night. I could not take it anymore and I asked him a week later. He was literally on his knees begging me to believe him.
He said that he arrived early with his colleagues and they forced him to have a few drinks. He said that he was going to call me but his phone was dead. When I asked about why he stayed the night out, he said that he had to go back to the office and finish off some work. And yet, against my better judgment, I believed him. He swore on our child that he did not cheat on me. My friends kept telling me that I should listen to my parents and divorce him.
I put up with violence almost for 15 years. Every time I wanted to do something that I liked, we would have major fights. He would ruin the whole house if he didn’t hit me or he would hit me, while the house remained intact. I tried my best to make sure my son did not know about any of this. But Neil pulled our son into almost every fight that we had. I could have left him earlier but I had no source of income and I was always in a dilemma because once the fight is over, he would shower me with love and then the whole thing would just repeat again.
I filed for divorce after my son’s birthday when I found out that he was selling illegal drugs to college and school children and that in the process he was also sleeping with other women. Deeply disturbed and hurt, I decided that I had gotten enough of it. So I filed for divorce. That is when he went all out. He read my personal diary from all the years and made sure he used it against me to instil fear in me. And it worked. In one of his business trips, I packed my bags, took my son and drove to my parent’s house.
The divorce was final after 2 years and I got my son with me. But 17 years of marriage ruined me forever. I was alone, I had no job, I did not have a life basically. I had to rediscover where to start my life and I was scared to death about relationships. I was traumatized by everything that Neil did. I stuck around because I loved him and I left him because he almost held me captive. After the divorce, I managed to find a small job as a primary school teacher with the help of a friend. I was finally doing something. My son and I stayed in an apartment not far from my parents’ house.
I chose to completely block out Neil from my life. I changed my address. I made sure my parents didn’t know where we lived. We visited them now and then. I made sure only a couple of friends knew where I lived and worked. My son changed schools. I changed everything from my phone number to my credit card. This way he had no way to contact me. Yet, my heart freezes when I see a man that looks like Neil, the right build and the right posture. I am trying to get over my marriage. It screwed my mind more than how much it screwed my life. A new relationship is not in the books for me right now. But I am still healing and I hope that one day, I will be loved truly without just witnessing the illusion of love.
Signs that you are dating a Sociopath:
Better late than never. The reason that we don’t jump into marriage right after meeting someone is because we need time to understand them and see how compatible we are as a couple. While you are still in the process, there are a lot of signs which show the true colours of a sociopath. Here are a few of them:
Sociopaths are incapable of making good friends. Hell, they are not capable of making any friends. All that they do is jump from one goal to another. So they don’t really have the time or the necessity to make friends. However, if a sociopath does have a friend, then it is probably because he needs something out of them. A sociopath is very manipulative and can manipulate someone to do anything.
So when they want their goals fulfilled, they make sure that they are friends with everyone that are of help when it comes to their goals. Apart from that, they have no real friends. A sociopath’s friends are just floating clouds and he will get rid of them once he is done with their help. They don’t have to help him with full conscience, because with how manipulative a sociopath is, asking for favours is unnecessary.
A sociopath is charming and very attractive. Not just sexually but generally attractive. He looks like the perfect guy in front of everyone, so that nobody knows what type of a man he really is. He focuses on building an image that would help him do anything he wants. Sociopaths don’t want to remain undiscovered. They want to be loved and cherished by others.
This is because they want their egos to be fed regularly and that is impossible if they are not charming everyone out to appreciate them. A sociopath’s moves when he is among a social gathering are mainly directed at getting everyone to like him so that he feels like he is the champion ultimately.
With a girl, he is charming only when he wants to get the girl to do what he wants. From sexual favours to being romantic partners, a sociopath charms his way to get anything he wants.
Good and Strange in Bed:
Sociopaths are extremely good in bed. We are talking about a mind-blowing level here. They become everything that it takes to call someone as ‘perfect’. If you are in a relationship with a sociopath, you can identify one by just rethinking about all the sex you have had so far.
How many of them included weird fetishes that he had no explanation for? How many times have you repelled at the thought of the fetish you just had while you seemed to completely enjoy it at that moment? It is all the work of a sociopath.
Sociopaths with their manipulative behaviour can make you do anything they want, easily. Towards the end, you will have no idea why agreed to it in the first place.
They can’t be called narcissistic because that is just an understatement for them. Here is another personal experience.
My boyfriend and I were dating for about 2 years. I was deeply in love with Eddie and I swear he loved me too. He was the dream for every girl. He never made me wait. He was always texting me and asking me about my day. He would listen to every word of my girl blabbering when I was full on about it. Jake liked taking me to the most adventurous places ever. He had an unquenchable thirst for anything that pronounced danger. He made me skydive and bungee jump and I liked it.
I was pretty sure that he was an adrenaline junkie and he was a bad one at that. What I couldn’t understand is how he always came up with ways to have the adventure back home. Climbing buildings, jumping from one apartment roof to another when the two roofs are a lot for away. Anyway, here is where his traits got out of control and I left him.
Before we broke up, we lived together for 7 months. I wouldn’t say that this was the best time of my life. I still kept my apartment and I am glad that I decided to wait for a while before I turned it back in. We moved in together and Jake made sure that everything was perfect for me to just blend right in. He welcomed me with a great dinner and we spent a wild night after that. We sat up at 3 AM talking about life together. It was special and I still remember every little thing he said when we were up that night.
After a couple of months, he was beginning to get overly sensitive about how the apartment looked. He wasn’t exceptionally clean but he always like the apartment the way he left it. Not how I changed it, but just how he left it. Even if I was going to clean something, I was always told not to. We fought a lot. In our arguments, he would always manage to put me in the blame game and every single time I believed him and thought that it was my mistake. I never understood why he was so obsessed about perfection when it came to his behaviour and his apartment and the way he lived.
Anyway, this one day, he stormed in to the apartment while I was making breakfast and screamed at me because I had left a bucket of paint on the roof of our apartment, comfortable enough to fall right on his car. The bucket dented his car while the paint covered the whole car. I was the one who left the bucket on the top because I was painting my planters in the terrace. I figured something must have knocked it down. A bird maybe.
Anyway, this fight was a lot worse than what we usually had. I apologized and kept apologizing and he did not talk to me for about four days. I knew he loved his car and it was only understandable that he was mad at me. Everything went smoothly for a while. We got the car fixed and we celebrated it too.
My neighbour was an old lady and when I bumped into her on the street, she told me that she moved across the street and invited me home. I didn’t know that she had moved, so I politely declined the offer while I was caught up with her for a while. That was when she said that she had seen how the car got damaged. I started explaining how bad I felt because I left the paint upstairs. Her reply shocked me.
Apparently, Jake was smoking in the roof of our apartment that morning. I was probably not awake when that happened. I tell him not to smoke indoors. So he made it a habit to do it outdoors. So while he was smoking, he was also on the phone and he knocked the paint by mistake, causing it to fall. My neighbour went on to tell how bad she felt because she knew how much Jake loved his car. I was speechless.
I got home and I couldn’t wait to ask him. When he returned that night, I confronted him and he swore to me that he did not smoke that day. He lied on my face and I wasn’t ready to take it. He blamed me for what I didn’t do and it all came back to me. How he always blamed me and I always thought he was right, apologizing to him.
The evening did not end well. I stormed out of the house and came back in the middle of the night when he accused me of having slept with someone else because I was wearing a different jacket. I was wearing his jacket, the one that was gifted by his mother. And then there was more fighting, more yelling and I decided to call it quits. I packed all my things and left his apartment. His reactions where mixed from “don’t leave” to “ don’t ever come back”.
Sociopaths have the tendency to blame others for their mistakes, a trait similar to a psychopath. They cant accept even the tiniest of fault in themselves and are constantly looking for ways to get it off their shoulders.
No panic at all:
When there is a crisis, Sociopaths are the ones that are least affected by it. Say you are being robbed. Your boyfriend might be having his Zen on while you are freaking out from the earth to the moon. Men who are sociopaths do not experience wear no matter which form it takes. They don’t panic in a situation where everyone around is clearly panicking.
Some people may be calling this as the ability to stay calm during the storm, but that is usually different compared to this. Sociopaths never react to situations that are threatening. If your boyfriend is least affected by a freaky situation, make sure you run the test if he is a sociopath.
Web of Lies:
A sociopath’s stories don’t always add up. Sometimes, when he is caught red handed, he will do anything it takes apart from just accepting that it was his mistake. The tales he spins can be identified with a lot of cross quizzing. When the stories don’t seem to be in an order, you know that he is lying.
Sociopaths have the need to be secretive with anything that they do. So even if you think that your boyfriend is sharing everything with you, a sociopath is sharing just the right amount to make sure you believe him. In fact, he may not be sharing his true story. Cooked up tales is a piece of cake for a sociopath.
They are selfish and pretend to be the ones that always deserve affection. Any feeling in the world, the sociopath thinks he deserves it. If you are in love, he wants your love. If you are bored, he wants to be the one to entertain. If you are not looking at him, he will even go to the extreme of hurting himself to gain your attention. Sociopaths seek attention.
Why should I ditch a sociopath?
Contrary to popular belief, no one can change a sociopath. You can shower all your love on him, feed him your affection and give him all the time that you have in this world, he will still manipulate you and go around doing what he is good at doing. You deserve someone who loves you like there is no tomorrow. Sociopaths are only capable of loving superficially.
All those perfect moments you had with him are lies. He needs your attention and your love to keep doing what he is doing. Your emotions are the fuel to his actions. His reckless behaviour will bring nothing but hurt and betrayal to you. Ditching a sociopath can be a hard thing to do, but it is the right thing. You definitely don’t want to have trouble right next to you when you know what it is.